Who are you to say....

If you've never experienced a bi polar episode, a nervous breakdown or a panic attack then who are you to tell me how to feel?  Being bi polar and manic depressive is hard enough on its own. You judging me for being bi polar and manic depressive is not okay. I can't help that my mood and attitude change at the drop of a dime. I can't help that you have been lucky enough to not have to experience it. But believe me when I say after 15 years of dealing with it, I got it. Let me walk away. Let me go through the episode and let me work through it. I will come back when it is over and I will still feel the same way about you as I did before. This just isn't the time to teach you about what it means to be bi polar when I can't even grasp a rational thought. 

It's raining its pouring!

As all good mothers do, I am bunkered down with my kids through the storm, not because they are scared but because they are excited.  They were mad at me because I wouldn't let them go stand on the porch in the middle of the thunderstorm so now they are camped out in front of the sliding glass door trying to count seconds between lightening and thunder and trying to guess where the next bolt will come from. It's these moments that I live for and I wouldn't trade the long nights and bad attitudes for any of it.  

Happy Father's Day!

I made the biggest mistake a child could possibly make. Yesterday was Father's Day and I forgot to call my dad. But in my defense, I didn't have time before church considering I had 6 people to get ready. I didn't have time after church because my dad was still at church. I didn't have time after that because I was dealing with getting my air conditioner fixed, after all it was 100 degrees and I have 4 kids to deal with. After that he was in bed. I did at least send him a text. I know that isn't the same but at least I did something right? He didn't have to try to make feel so terrible for not calling when I did finally get a chance this morning. I managed that all by myself. But either way Happy Father's Day to my daddy, my daddy-in-law, and my wonderful husband, as well as all the other great dads out there.  

Maintaining....

We are now on day 3 of summer vacation, only roughly 67 days left.  But you know who's counting?!?  I have decided, in order to maintain some of the order in the midst of all the chaos, to implement a school like schedule.  Now I know you're judging me.... "Isn't is summer vacation?" "Why would you do that to these babies?"  Well yes it is summer vacation and I don't plan on making them follow the schedule every day. They will have Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays, and Sundays off.  If I have learned anything from having an ASD child it is that routine and structure are everything!!!!  I gave them this first week off and we will start our schedule on Monday.  Well so far in 3 days we have had 3 major fights, zero beds made, to much time on the xbox and computer, more than a normal share of sugar and sweets, and not quite enough vegetables and balanced plates. And best of all we have been in and around enough water to please an orca!  If I had to bet I'd say we kicked off summer pretty good! I just hope we can transition into the structure with minimal casualties.  We shall see!

The numbers just don't add up!

180 days in the school year.  180 rough mornings full of sleepy kids that don't want to get out of bed. 180 busy mornings rushing around getting 6 people fed, dressed and out the door on time.  10,800 teeth brushed.  540 times ironing polo shirts and khakis.  180 afternoons full of reading logs and math books.  180 nights of packing backpacks, signing agendas, making sure everyone has 2 socks and only 1 underwear (who knew that would be a problem?!?).  180 times fighting over trying to remember if 2 shoes per person were brought home from school.  540 sandwiches in lunch bags.  180 times making sure everyone had the right superhero backpack and matching lunch bag.  180 days of reminding 3 boys to get the right color binder, to speak up, to wait their turn, to buckle up in the car.  180 long afternoons of waiting in the pick up line, just to hear the littlest one get excited to see one of his brothers.  180 times reminding the coach its Aiden and Jaiden not Kaiden and Jaiden.  540 snacks before homework.  180 days of saying, "No you can't have 4 bags of pop corn for snack".  180 times waking up in the middle of the night thinking I forgot to pack something.  It has all come down to this 1 day.  I may or may not have cried a little when the boys got out of the car.  As I watched them walk in the school for the very last time as a first and second grader, I realized in that moment that my babies are growing up.  My oldest is half way done with his elementary school career, when did that happen?!?  In 2 hours the next 71 days of summer vacation will officially start. All of these numbers add up to that 1 split second when I realize that it is all about to change in every way.

The beginning of the end!

Today was the first day of summer vacation for my pre ker.   I cried when he left me on the first day of school and I cried when I brought him home from graduation.  He was confused when his brothers were up before him and why they had to put on their uniforms.  We all got in the car and he had on his pajamas and crocs.  He was bent out of shape all the way home.  "I'm just gonna miss my brothers so much."  Well we get in, get beds made up and have breakfast.  And he's still bent out of shape.  I felt so bad for him so I had to think of something awesome for him to do since he never gets time away from the rest of his brothers.  So first we had breakfast dessert. Score one for mommy.  Then I let him play his brother's xbox.  It is a mortal sin for him to step foot in the oldest's room.  I say I did a pretty good job of kicking off his first summer vacation.  Tomorrow is the last day for his brothers so I have to be sure he gets in all the great "only child" time he can.

Did that really just happen?

I know this will seem more like a rant more than anything but I assure you it's not. Just hear me out. My family has always been far from average, but today was extreme even for us. My dad out of the blue called my sister and I and said he wanted to do a cook out. No big deal right?  WRONG! So my family of six and my sister's family of five were all at my dad's enjoying hot dogs and watermelon. Everyone was having a great time.  And as per usual it had to go down hill. My dad and his wife decided to spring on us that they were considering a move to Atlanta to be closer to her children and grandchildren. Well let's be honest that sucks. But that's not the problem.  Sure it sucks that he's leaving his children and grandchildren to go be with hers that ran to Atlanta to start with.  I can accept that and deal with it. But what I can't accept is them trying to get me worked up and angry about it. The more you talk on it and ask me if I'm upset by it the more upset I become. If I told you how I felt don't assume that there's more to it then there is. 

The end of an era!

So today was pre k graduation. Everyone keeps telling me it's my third time I should be a pro by now. But does that really make it any easier?  I'm not allowed to have new emotions for a new kid just because I've done this before?  You look at me like I'm crazy because I cried at my child's pre k graduation. I love all of my babies and will respond appropriately to each thank you very much. I'm not ready for any of my kids to grow up so anytime a huge milestone like this happens yes I get emotional. After all I am the one who cried when my 4th turned 3. But my emotional mess aside I am so very proud of my baby. He's going to be an amazing kindergartner just like his brothers before him and the one after him will be.

Summer!

Here we are finally, the last week of school! I remember when this time of year used to be better than Christmas.  Now that I am on the other side of this party I regret it ALL!  My 3 year old has gotten used to being the only one all day and has made so much progress in his speech and potty training.  I'm scared that now that his brothers will be here for the next 12 weeks he will digress.  Speaking of 12 weeks, what are we supposed to do?!? How can I make the next 12 weeks a success, keep everyone out of the hospital and the house still stand?  Not to mention 2 of the 3 big boys are already behind grade level.  I have to do everything I can to keep them in school all summer without it being summer school.  I'm sure that will go over awesomely.  I have so many great plans of things to do to keep everyone active and the bored bug at bay.  More on that another day though.  Wish me luck and say a quick prayer we make it to August with no broken bones!

He Has ASD it Doesn't Have Him!

Most people ask how do I deal with an autistic child?  I don't deal with him.  He's not a lemon car.  I love him, I pray for him and I help him.  I can't stand someone saying "oh he's autistic".  No, he is a very sweet, very compassionate, a little to caring, active, exciting, loving, adventurous seven year old that has autism.  He may need a little more tweaks to his daily routine then "average" kids but that doesn't mean that he can't function or that he has a crippling defect.  Recently I spent almost 3 hours fighting for him through an IEP meeting where his teachers tried to tell me he is just immature and needs to grow up.  Where does this kind of thinking get him?  It is their responsibility as his mentors for eight hours a day, five days a week to make sure he has the right tools in place to achieve success in his future.  Sometimes I feel like I am the only one on his side.  If I'm not willing to fight for my child who will???  Sure it's hard sometimes to juggle my time between him and his three brothers but with the great support and people who are in my corner I can be sure everyone gets what they need in order to be everything that they can be.