This is it!

This is post number 20!  This is the end for my English assignment.  I never was into journaling or keeping a diary.  But I really do enjoy posting these blogs.  I love reading other people's blogs but I just don't think that I have what it takes to make it make sense.  Does that make sense? :)  I do plan on keeping up with these posts.  It is nice to have a place to get out all the thoughts racing through this bi polar head.  This is going to sound crazy but, I like having a place I can let go without having to worry about getting judged.  Yes I know that the internet is all about being judgmental but I just don't care I guess. I didn't realize that I needed this outlet until I had the opportunity.  So shout out to Mr. Foster for making me do this assignment.  I have learned a lot about about myself that I didn't know I was missing out on.

Oops

Today I think I made a HUGE mistake!  I decided it would be a great idea to take all four boys to the grocery store with me.  I usually take one at a time just for my own sanity.  But I figured if people can take six or seven at a time whats my four right?  I broke down the rules before we ever got out the car. Don't touch anything, don't walk away from the cart, don't ask for anything.  Break these rules we turn around, walk out, go home and you won't come back until you can act like a gentleman in public.  I just knew we would be going home with no groceries.  But my boys really surprised me.  I mean sure my normal 45 minute shopping trip turned into almost two hours, but they were really patient and well behaved for those two hours.  The man behind us in line told them that he had seen them throughout the store and was really impressed by the way the behaved and wanted to buy them each a treat at the checkout.  Now they want to go as a group every week.  I don't know if I can handle that! They did great and it is a life lesson to learn to behave in public with or without a reward.  They know my rule no treats for doing what you're supposed to do.

Saying goodbye is hard to do

It is that time of year again where I get down and start reflecting on my life.  Ten years ago I lost my best friend to a horrible accident involving a truck driver on I-40.  It really hits home for me not just because it was my best friend who died, but because my dad, my husband, and my brother-in-law are all truck drivers and I worry for them every day.  I get sad and start missing her a lot but especially this time of year since it is the anniversary of her death.  I also think a lot about her in February too.  She and my second born share a birthday of February 27th.  So it really makes me reflect on her.  With the new Fast and the Furious movie that just came out after Paul Walker passed in a tragic accident, there is a song in the movie that really makes me miss my Mandy.  I hear it on the radio at least five times a day and it really makes me thankful for what I do have and the thought that she is here with me helping me through life.  The name of the song is See You Again and it is worth a listen.

Remodel is hard work

I have now redone five of the nine rooms of my house and I love the way it is shaping up.  The living room has gone from dark and sad to bright and inviting.  The walls are now a gorgeous light grey color and I bought some teal colored slip covers for the sofas.  The paneling and wallpaper are gone from the kitchen and it is now a bright and lovely shade of orange.  Without all the stuff on the walls it seems twice as big.  The only projects I have left in there is replacing the cabinets and replacing the outdated linoleum.  The dining room has gone from an underwater nightmare to an inviting oasis.  It is a gorgeous bright red color and it is so cozy and warm.  The hallway is now a simple white.  The master bedroom is a dark grey haven of serenity.  I still need to do the boys rooms and the bathrooms but that is a project for another day!

Time for a makeover

When we moved in to this house a little over two years ago I knew there was a lot to be done.  The living room was an army greenish brownish color with brown leather sofas.  The dining room and hallway were an unnatural bluish green color.  The kitchen had paneling on the bottom half of the walls and the top half was covered in yellow wallpaper with green flowers and butterflies all over it.  The bathrooms had marblish looking wallpaper and good old 70's green tile.  I vowed that I would make over every room.  And slowly but surely I am doing just that.

Back to the grind

We finally made it home from our road trip to the mountains and we are slowly readjusting back to reality.  The hubs has gone back to work and the boys have gone back to their regularly scheduled programming of school work.  We have gotten a lot accomplished with school in less than a month and I am so very proud of these boys!  My rising Kindergartener has managed to recite and write all of his letters both capital and lowercase.  We are currently working on reading basic words and he is doing fantastic.  My rising second grader is doing work on his own without me having to hover and that is huge!!!!  He also is working on doing his math with out counters.  My rising third grader has gone up a reading level since the beginning of summer and he is reading everything from food labels to billboards.  The three year old can count to 20 and write the first two letters of his name.  I couldn't be more proud of all my babies!!!

The road less traveled

So after getting everyone up and loaded up in the car we set off for a quick road trip.  Well two hours later we ended up in Blowing Rock where we got to Tweetsie Railroad.  I don't know what led us there but it was a great idea!  The boys have never seen a train up close let alone be inside one.  We went for the ride on the train, got taken over by robbers and watched the cowboys fight them off all before lunch.  We also visited Ghost Town in the Sky and met the native americans and the cancan girls.  I'm not sure if the boys liked the town or riding up the mountain on the chair lift more.  I know I was glad when everyone got off safely at the top and again at the bottom.  Those things are a mother's nightmare!  It was a nice little day trip and now we are headed back down the mountain towards home.

Shhh its a secret

After the holiday the hubby had a little extra time off work so we decided to make an impromptu road trip.  I say impromptu but how could anything be with a family of six?!?  I spent a day packing and gathering toothbrushes.  I felt like a spy with the way I was sneaking around the kids.  I was able to pack for six and get it all loaded into the car before anyone noticed.  We woke them up at about six in the morning and loaded them into the car amidst many protests and sleepy complaints.  Here we are on the road with no plans other than breakfast in our near future.  It is kinda exhilarating and reminds me of my early twenties.

dunt dunt dunt da daaaa

It's shark week!!!! I look forward to this almost as much as christmas.  I have a huge framed movie poster from Jaws and it could very well be my top movie of all time.  I get so excited when I hear my kids walking through the house singing the theme song.  But.... I am headed to the beach in a few weeks and I'm a little freaked out.   There have been so many shark attacks this year right around the beach I am going to.  As if that wasn't bad enough there was an eleven foot alligator found on the same exact beach that I am going to.  I feel like we are living Jaws now.  I'm a little anxious to take my kids into the water.

Happy Birthday America!

My family has a very standard tradition for independence day! Much like other americans we have a huge cookout with our close friends and family.  There are the usual foods: burgers, hot dogs, chicken, ribs and brats.  We buy a ton of sparklers and there are a few to many beers.  We end the night going to the waterpark to watch the fireworks.  It was nice that the rain held on so we could enjoy these things since it had rained everyday for a week.  We go to Old Navy and pay a ridiculous amount for 6 t shirts we will only wear once.  We spend all day downtown with almost a million other people enjoying the parade and the food and the atmosphere.  Independence day is a huge deal around our since I am a Navy Veteran.  But unlike a lot of families when it comes to firework time there are very differently roles.  Mommy is hunkered down with the 7 year old autistic kid and the intimidated 3 year old while daddy is oohing and ahhing with the excited 9 and 5 year olds.

Who are you to say....

If you've never experienced a bi polar episode, a nervous breakdown or a panic attack then who are you to tell me how to feel?  Being bi polar and manic depressive is hard enough on its own. You judging me for being bi polar and manic depressive is not okay. I can't help that my mood and attitude change at the drop of a dime. I can't help that you have been lucky enough to not have to experience it. But believe me when I say after 15 years of dealing with it, I got it. Let me walk away. Let me go through the episode and let me work through it. I will come back when it is over and I will still feel the same way about you as I did before. This just isn't the time to teach you about what it means to be bi polar when I can't even grasp a rational thought. 

It's raining its pouring!

As all good mothers do, I am bunkered down with my kids through the storm, not because they are scared but because they are excited.  They were mad at me because I wouldn't let them go stand on the porch in the middle of the thunderstorm so now they are camped out in front of the sliding glass door trying to count seconds between lightening and thunder and trying to guess where the next bolt will come from. It's these moments that I live for and I wouldn't trade the long nights and bad attitudes for any of it.  

Happy Father's Day!

I made the biggest mistake a child could possibly make. Yesterday was Father's Day and I forgot to call my dad. But in my defense, I didn't have time before church considering I had 6 people to get ready. I didn't have time after church because my dad was still at church. I didn't have time after that because I was dealing with getting my air conditioner fixed, after all it was 100 degrees and I have 4 kids to deal with. After that he was in bed. I did at least send him a text. I know that isn't the same but at least I did something right? He didn't have to try to make feel so terrible for not calling when I did finally get a chance this morning. I managed that all by myself. But either way Happy Father's Day to my daddy, my daddy-in-law, and my wonderful husband, as well as all the other great dads out there.  

Maintaining....

We are now on day 3 of summer vacation, only roughly 67 days left.  But you know who's counting?!?  I have decided, in order to maintain some of the order in the midst of all the chaos, to implement a school like schedule.  Now I know you're judging me.... "Isn't is summer vacation?" "Why would you do that to these babies?"  Well yes it is summer vacation and I don't plan on making them follow the schedule every day. They will have Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays, and Sundays off.  If I have learned anything from having an ASD child it is that routine and structure are everything!!!!  I gave them this first week off and we will start our schedule on Monday.  Well so far in 3 days we have had 3 major fights, zero beds made, to much time on the xbox and computer, more than a normal share of sugar and sweets, and not quite enough vegetables and balanced plates. And best of all we have been in and around enough water to please an orca!  If I had to bet I'd say we kicked off summer pretty good! I just hope we can transition into the structure with minimal casualties.  We shall see!

The numbers just don't add up!

180 days in the school year.  180 rough mornings full of sleepy kids that don't want to get out of bed. 180 busy mornings rushing around getting 6 people fed, dressed and out the door on time.  10,800 teeth brushed.  540 times ironing polo shirts and khakis.  180 afternoons full of reading logs and math books.  180 nights of packing backpacks, signing agendas, making sure everyone has 2 socks and only 1 underwear (who knew that would be a problem?!?).  180 times fighting over trying to remember if 2 shoes per person were brought home from school.  540 sandwiches in lunch bags.  180 times making sure everyone had the right superhero backpack and matching lunch bag.  180 days of reminding 3 boys to get the right color binder, to speak up, to wait their turn, to buckle up in the car.  180 long afternoons of waiting in the pick up line, just to hear the littlest one get excited to see one of his brothers.  180 times reminding the coach its Aiden and Jaiden not Kaiden and Jaiden.  540 snacks before homework.  180 days of saying, "No you can't have 4 bags of pop corn for snack".  180 times waking up in the middle of the night thinking I forgot to pack something.  It has all come down to this 1 day.  I may or may not have cried a little when the boys got out of the car.  As I watched them walk in the school for the very last time as a first and second grader, I realized in that moment that my babies are growing up.  My oldest is half way done with his elementary school career, when did that happen?!?  In 2 hours the next 71 days of summer vacation will officially start. All of these numbers add up to that 1 split second when I realize that it is all about to change in every way.

The beginning of the end!

Today was the first day of summer vacation for my pre ker.   I cried when he left me on the first day of school and I cried when I brought him home from graduation.  He was confused when his brothers were up before him and why they had to put on their uniforms.  We all got in the car and he had on his pajamas and crocs.  He was bent out of shape all the way home.  "I'm just gonna miss my brothers so much."  Well we get in, get beds made up and have breakfast.  And he's still bent out of shape.  I felt so bad for him so I had to think of something awesome for him to do since he never gets time away from the rest of his brothers.  So first we had breakfast dessert. Score one for mommy.  Then I let him play his brother's xbox.  It is a mortal sin for him to step foot in the oldest's room.  I say I did a pretty good job of kicking off his first summer vacation.  Tomorrow is the last day for his brothers so I have to be sure he gets in all the great "only child" time he can.

Did that really just happen?

I know this will seem more like a rant more than anything but I assure you it's not. Just hear me out. My family has always been far from average, but today was extreme even for us. My dad out of the blue called my sister and I and said he wanted to do a cook out. No big deal right?  WRONG! So my family of six and my sister's family of five were all at my dad's enjoying hot dogs and watermelon. Everyone was having a great time.  And as per usual it had to go down hill. My dad and his wife decided to spring on us that they were considering a move to Atlanta to be closer to her children and grandchildren. Well let's be honest that sucks. But that's not the problem.  Sure it sucks that he's leaving his children and grandchildren to go be with hers that ran to Atlanta to start with.  I can accept that and deal with it. But what I can't accept is them trying to get me worked up and angry about it. The more you talk on it and ask me if I'm upset by it the more upset I become. If I told you how I felt don't assume that there's more to it then there is. 

The end of an era!

So today was pre k graduation. Everyone keeps telling me it's my third time I should be a pro by now. But does that really make it any easier?  I'm not allowed to have new emotions for a new kid just because I've done this before?  You look at me like I'm crazy because I cried at my child's pre k graduation. I love all of my babies and will respond appropriately to each thank you very much. I'm not ready for any of my kids to grow up so anytime a huge milestone like this happens yes I get emotional. After all I am the one who cried when my 4th turned 3. But my emotional mess aside I am so very proud of my baby. He's going to be an amazing kindergartner just like his brothers before him and the one after him will be.

Summer!

Here we are finally, the last week of school! I remember when this time of year used to be better than Christmas.  Now that I am on the other side of this party I regret it ALL!  My 3 year old has gotten used to being the only one all day and has made so much progress in his speech and potty training.  I'm scared that now that his brothers will be here for the next 12 weeks he will digress.  Speaking of 12 weeks, what are we supposed to do?!? How can I make the next 12 weeks a success, keep everyone out of the hospital and the house still stand?  Not to mention 2 of the 3 big boys are already behind grade level.  I have to do everything I can to keep them in school all summer without it being summer school.  I'm sure that will go over awesomely.  I have so many great plans of things to do to keep everyone active and the bored bug at bay.  More on that another day though.  Wish me luck and say a quick prayer we make it to August with no broken bones!

He Has ASD it Doesn't Have Him!

Most people ask how do I deal with an autistic child?  I don't deal with him.  He's not a lemon car.  I love him, I pray for him and I help him.  I can't stand someone saying "oh he's autistic".  No, he is a very sweet, very compassionate, a little to caring, active, exciting, loving, adventurous seven year old that has autism.  He may need a little more tweaks to his daily routine then "average" kids but that doesn't mean that he can't function or that he has a crippling defect.  Recently I spent almost 3 hours fighting for him through an IEP meeting where his teachers tried to tell me he is just immature and needs to grow up.  Where does this kind of thinking get him?  It is their responsibility as his mentors for eight hours a day, five days a week to make sure he has the right tools in place to achieve success in his future.  Sometimes I feel like I am the only one on his side.  If I'm not willing to fight for my child who will???  Sure it's hard sometimes to juggle my time between him and his three brothers but with the great support and people who are in my corner I can be sure everyone gets what they need in order to be everything that they can be.